Bleach Racing
by rukiakurosaki07
Summary: Some strange anomaly that has captured all(well almost all) the bleach characters and are FORCING them to drive. disclaimer:i do not own bleach or any of its characters nor do i own any of the cars. T for dirty language.
1. Chapter 1

BLEACH Fan fiction[car to choose]

In Manhattan, at about 6:00 am, there was a warehouse and in that wearhouse there were 8 unlucky people tied up. Ooh,did I forget to mention that they were coughkidnappedcough. Back to the intro and those 8 unlucky people were as follows: Ichigo was yelling profanities through his cloth covered mouth,Hichigo was grinning like a maniac showing a middle finger to the camera,Rukia was still recovering from shock,Daruka [rukias hollow] was basically doing whatever Hichigo was doing,Tatsuki was trying to rip off the ropes with her bare hands,fat chance shes gonna actually accomplish that,Renji was squealing like a sissy behind the duct tape on his mouth [I had to use duct tape since cloth and regular tape didn't work;he bit through those two basically] Byakuya as usual was being all stony and emotionless and ofcourse the cocky quincy was thinking about a way to ask me to realease them whiles still getting to show of his 'great' quincy powers [I was being sarcastic] Okaaaaayyyyyy, now that the intros are over lets get on with the torturing I mean car picking yeah car picking that's exactly what I meant and I was not gonna torture them definitely not. *laughs nervously*

 **All of a sudden the characters here some ominous footsteps coming from behind them that sound strangely like ulquiora's. Everyone,as expected, turned their heads towards the noise.**

 **Author: Hello and welcome to my racing simulator.**

 **Ichigo: ok 1 I don't give a fuck 2what the hell is a racing simulator and 3 which is probrably what we're all wondering WHO THE FUDGE ARE YOU!**

 **Author: Unfortunately is seems that you have been able to get rid of your cloth covering your mouth. *mumbles under breath* great now I'll get another headache.**

 **Tatsuki: hey,wise ass,mind explaining who you are and where we are?**

 **Author: well,seeing as though you're the only sane one here basically your all characters in MY fanfiction and I make you do anything I want.**

 **Ichigo: that's total bullshit you moron you can't make us do anything-ahh!**

 **Renji: uhmm,ichigo what the hell are you doing.**

 **Ichigo: *doing the chicken dance and clucking like a chicken***

 **Uryuu: well, you incompetent soul reaper, he is doing the chicken dance unconsciously I presume.**

 **Renji: damn,do you always have to be such a cocky,arrogant,smart ass all the time!**

 **Uryuu: WELL IM SORRY THAT YOUR PUNY SHINIGAMI BRAIN PROCESSES 1 LTTER A SECOND!**

 **Renji: STUFF IT QUINCY BOY!**

 **Uryuu: GET A LIFE PINAPPLE!**

 **Renji: WELL ATLEAST IM NOT A PANSY LIKE YOU!**

 **Uryuu: WHO YOU CALLING PANSY TATTOO-BROWS!**

 **Renji:YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE PANSY WANSY!**

 **Author: MEET YOUR FAMILY! *throws about a million random pinapples that no one knows how it got there at renji***

 **Rukia: your just doing that because you favor quincies.**

 **Author: Do Not! *whines in a childish way and starts pouting slightly***

 **Hichigo: *points to rukia and yells* IT SPOKE!**

 **Daruka: DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT QUEEN OR I SHALL RIP YOU TO PIECES WITH MY SCYTHE!**

 **Author: WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE BEEP UP!**

 **Everyone: *gasps collectively***

 **Author: what?**

 **Rukia: Nevermind that just can you answer some off our questions please?**

 **Author: your gonna have to wait-**

 **Rukia: DO IT OR I'LL CALL TITE KUBO TO GIVE THE READERS SPOILERS!**

 **Author: *gasps dramatically and gos down on knees* No! Anything but the spoilers! Fine fine ill answer your dumb questions!**

 **Rukia: good. Lets start with who are you?**

 **Author: I am the author of this wack I mean great fanfiction.**

 **Rukia: ok, how do you know us?**

 **Author: you all are characters from a show called bleach.**

 **Rukia: where are we?**

 **Author:your in my wearhouse which is also a hideout and a shed for cars.**

 **Rukia: really?**

 **Author: naw,this is just my basement disguised as a hideo-ofcourse its true you daft midget!**

 **Daruka and Ichigo: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HER THAT WAY!**

 **Hichigo: give it a rest king she'll never like a loser like you, shes into albino's like me.**

 **Rukia: no im not.**

 **Author: BURN~ wait a minute,weren"t you doing the chicken dance a little while ago Ichigo?**

 **Ichigo: yeah but byakuya used his kido shit to fix me.**

 **Byakuya: it is not "shit" you foolish human boy.**

 **Author: IT SPEAKS!**

 **Author:Okay, now that everyone has gotten there daily dose of bickering lets get back on topic shall we.**

 **Rukia: next question, how did we get here?**

 **Author: I kidnaped you.**

 **Ichigo.0_o**

 **Hichigo:0_o**

 **Rukia:0_o**

 **Daruka:0_o**

 **Renji:0_o**

 **Tatsuki:0_o**

 **Uryuu:0_o**

 **Byakuya:…..**

 **Author: does he always behave like he's got a stick up his ass?**

 **Everyone except Byakuya and the author: pretty much.**

 **Rukia: what are we doing here anyways?**

 **Author: I've brought you all here to participate in some racing activities.**

 **Ichigo: we don't even know how to drive?!**

 **Author:easy I'll bring in the teacher of all teachers,the person who wields god,one of the most successful captains of Sereiti,its…..**

 **Everyone:WHO?!**

 **Author: wait untill the next chapter; you guys won't mind doing the closing for me will you?**

 **Hichigo:Ofcourse.**

 **Hichigo:if you want to find out who the mysterious trainer then your gonna have to wait for the next chapter but in order to do that your gonna have to….**

 **Everyone:READ AND REVIEW**


	2. Chapter 2

Bleach Fanfiction Chapter 2

THE MYSTERIOUS TEACHER.

Author:hello and welcome back everybody *I say emotionlessly*

Ichigo:what happened to your last personality? I remember you being all whack and crazy and physco.

Author: I have no idea what you are talking about trash.

Ichigo:oh no it's the return of ulquiora!

Uryuu: KEEP ORIHIME A SAFE DISTANCE FROM HERE! WE DON'T WANT HER TO GO ALL FANGIRL!

Author: All you trash keep quiet or I'll Cero Oscuras you.

Everyone: Yes,your emoness!

Author: :]

Daruka: OH MY GOD HE JUST SMILED! AN EMO SMILED YOU GUYS! THE WORLD IS GONNA COME TO AN END!

Author: what did I just say.

Daruka: I'll shut up now.

Author: Sadly your teacher is Uruhara Kisuke.

Urahara: HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG STUDENTS! ARE YOU RE-A-DY TO LEARN!

Everyone: *groans*

Urahara: Oh stop being such party poopers. You know I think your spending to much time with the emo gods incarnate over here.

Ichigo: he wasn't like this yesterday but I never thought I'd say this but I want the old coky author back.

Author: that author's never coming back.

Renji: what did you do to him you bastard! *points finger accusingly at him*

Author: shutup trash.

Renji: yes sir.

Author: I'm gonna be preparing you cars while Urahara teaches you so basically do whatever he tells you to do. *author leaves*

Urahara suddenly turns serious and everyone actually pays attention during the lesson. Basically the lesson was where they would study the basics of driving and then nitro controling and whatsover. The following tells of the test run their all having.

Urahara: Ok. So this next lesson will teach you on how to escape the cops oh and also how to escape you lunatic fangirls and fanboys.

Everyone gathers in the nearby racing track and they see 8 black Corvettes. The first person to go was ichigo mostly because the fangirls in his cage were starting to get too many. As soon as Urahara opened the gate all you could here was a stampede and the squealing and yelling of girls. Ichig o started the car at once an took off. Not surprisingly the fans were almost as fast as the car so fast that some of them were nearing the rear of the car. Ichigo frantically pressed the nitro buttton and got the fuck outta there.

The next person to go was Hichigo. Urahara let the cage open and the ground started shaking. Before Hichigo entered the car Renji wished him luck by saying "Do well buddy and don't die oh and if you do die can I have your penthouse I one of Ichigo's skyscrapers" "Fat chance pineapple" The rumbling started to get louder and Urahara shoved Hichigo into the car. Hichigo was actually pretty good at driving and escaping. Even when this one fangirl had landed face first onto the windshield he just stayed calm and shook the probrably dead corpse of his car not forgetting to laugh maniacly. He made it through the track in record time.

Byakuya easily just drived through all of them not giving a shit about who he hit.

Renji, afraid of being attacked by all the rabid fangirls,just used all the nitro and didn't waste any time in getting to safety.

Uryuu,like always,had to show off. He started out slow and skilled and then he sealed the deal with a pound of that nitro button.

Rukia had some of the most fanboys anyone had ever seen and Daruka probrably had double the amount but Urahara just had to be such an idiot. He realeased both cages at the same time and made both girls race at the same time. They kept up with each other and did everything simultaniously they even pressed the nitro at the same time and crossed the finish line at the same time.

Author: I saw all your grades and you all did surprisingly well. Considering you had an asshole for a teacher.

Urahara: don't be so mean Ul-

Author: Don't say my pen name you dummy!

Urahara: but they deserve to know!

Author:Don't make me lock you in a secluded room and force you to watch Ben 10!

Urahara: IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY! JUST DON'T MAKE ME WATCH BEN 10!

Author: since Urahara is crying like and incompetent boob I'll just do the closing.

Author: hope you like the story so far but don't forget to read and review!


	3. Chapter 3

Bleach Chapter 3

NEW AUTHOR!?1 0_O

Ichigo: What the fudge is going on?! First we get a crazy wacko author,then we get one that is probrably the reincarnate of Ulquiora now we have some other stranger here whos probrably gonna torture us!

Author's Sister: Shut The Fudge Up Strawberry! IF THERE IS ONE THING I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY CAN NOT STAND FROM YOU IS CRAZY BITCHING ABOUT THE ABVIOUS AND STOP GETTING ANGRY ALL THE TIME FOOL!

Ichigo:WHY CAN'T YOU SHUT UP AUTHOR'S SISTER! Wait author's sister? YOU'RE THE new author?

Author Sister: You got a problem with that orrangattane!

Renji:HA HA YOU JUST GOT SERVED BY A GIRL HA HA HA

Ichigo: Shut up tattoo boy!

Renji:That all you got….ORRANGATTENE!

Ichigo: No this is what I've got!1

Ichigo:YOU'RE AN IDIOTIC SON OF A BITCH WHOSE JUST WORKING FOR HIS CAPTAIN BECAUSE HE WANTS TO DATE HIS SISTER! WHO YOU'LL NEVER GET TO DATE AND I'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT!

Renji:OH YEAH STRAWBE-

Author Sister: MEET YOUR FAMILY! *throws strawberry at Ichigo and pineapples at Renji*

Ichigo: Where do you guys get this random stuff!?

Renji: DOES IT RUN IN THE FAMILY?!

Author Sister: You 2 shut the fuck up before I do something to make you shut up! AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!

Renji and Ichigo: WE'RE SHUTTING UP NOW!

Author Sister: awesome. Well lets start with why im here. My brother,the author,called in sick so I'm his replacement.

Renji:So we have to listen to whatever you say?

Author:That's the smartest thing you've ever said Renji.

Renji: thanks-HEY!

Author Sister: anyways as you all must know all products come with a warning label and my warning label says "WARNING: DO NOT USE ANYWHERE NEAR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE;RIN OKUMURA,ZERO YUUKI,ICHIGO KUROSAKI,HICHIGO SHIROSAKI,MUGETSU,GIN ICHIMARU,OROCHIMARU,BYAKUYA KUCHIKI OR ANYONE OF THE GUYS FROM 'UTU NO PRINCE SAMA' NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES MAY RESULT IN THE POSIBLE DEATH OF THOSE CHARACTERS.

Uryuu: So far,from all the information I have collected you're a tamed fangirl.

Author Sister: well atleast there's one smart person in the group.

Rukia:So you mean that me,Daruka and Renji are safe?

Author Sister: Renji yes You two not so much.

Rukia:0_o

Daruka:0_O

Renji:XD

Daruka: So not funny pineapple or do you want me to let the rabid fangirls loose on you?

Renji: NO IT IS DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY AND I WAS NOT LAUGHING AT YOU.

Daruka: thank you :]

Author Sister: OK. So my brother shown me all the progress you've made so far and I am very pleased with your scores and I know that all of you will do well! :}

Ichigo: Are you sure that your not an Orihime fangirl cause you sure act like one.

Author Sister: I was acting you dumb ass. And you say you can see through rukia's one. What a load of crap.

Author Sister: I behave nothing like that stupid,air headed bitch known as Orihime!

Tatsuki: h-

Author's Sister: say one thing tatsuki and I'll tie you up and ship you off to Madagascar!

Tatsuki:…

Author's Sister: Good!

Author Sister: I AM AN ICHIRUKI FAN YOU IMBECILE I WILL NEVER EVER EVER SHIP ICHIHIME! EVER!

Author's Sister: Anyways, Now that you have had your daily dose of bantering lets start with the show!

Everyone says sarcastically: yay.

Author Sister: OK. I am going to teach you probrably the only thing I know about cars which is designing them and naming them. I have your cars right here.

The following is a list of what car each character got:

-Ichigo got a Ferrari Enzo With a black dragon imprinted on both sides and a mix of purple and orange paint.

-Hichigo got a white Lamborghini Veneno with Black stained windows and the same black dragon going on both sides.

-Rukia got a purple Pagani Zonda R with a Black Lily pad flower on the hood and the words badass encrusted on the left side.

-Daruka got a dark purple Koneigseg Agera R with a white Lily pad flower encrusted onto the hood.

-Renji got a red Ferrari FXX with tribal tattoos to match.

-Uryuu Got a Maclaran F1 with a mix of Blue and White paint and a light blue Quincy Cross on the hood.

-Byakuya got a black and silver Maclaran P1 GTR With silver sakura petals nearing the black paint.

EVERYONE: SWEET!

Tatsuki: wait why don't I get a car?

Author's Sister: Because you,my lucky friend are their MANAGER!

Tatsuki: phew! I thought that I was gonna have to race with these morons.

Author's Sister: OK AND THIS IS THE END OF THIS CHAPTER BUT IF YOU WANT THE OTHER ONE,SAY IT WITH ME GUYS,READ AND REVIEW!

Tatsuki: THAT'S ALL FOLKS!


	4. Chapter 4

BLEACH CHAPTER 4

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

Author:Welcome back everybody.

Hichigo: Hey look everybody emo boss is back!

Author: Unless you want to die, _hollow,_ you'll shut up.

Hichigo: fine. *mumbles something about bitchy emos*

Renji:Aw, I miss crazy author already.

Rukia:I miss the last author.

Daruka:yeah she had good taste.

Author: enough squawking. Now that you have your cars and you know how to use them I have to put you in a gang.

Renji:A gang?Why?

Byakuya:I refuse to spoil and hurt my pride by joining a gang.

Uryuu: The only people here who are gang material are Ichigo,Hichigo,Daruka,Rukia,Tatsuki and Tattoo Brows.

.URYUU.

Uryuu:what? No yelling or name calling?

Rukia:The last author made him take anger management lessons and threatened that if he didn't control his temper she would punish him fiercely.

Renji: SHES FUCKING SCARY WHEN SHES ANGRY!

Rukia:Watch the language pineapple.

Byakuya: _Ahem_ can we continue.

Ichigo: you haven't been saying much byakuya. You know when someones usually this quiet it means that their planning something that no one else should know. Aizen and Gin are living proof.

Hichigo:Well technically Aizen's living proof. Gin,not so much.

Author: Let us continue. I am recruiting some of you unlucky people into my gang. 4 of you will go to my gang and the other 4 will go to Ryuken Ishida's gang.

Uryuu: I never thought I'd be saying this but I would rather lose and go to my father's gang than win and go to some random emo's gang.

Author: Suit yourself. Ryuken you may come out now.

Ryuken: helo everybody. I've seen all your grades and to tell you the truth I am quite impressed but the thing that surprised me the most was you,Uryuu, turns out your not just some worthless piece of shit.

Uryuu:I'd rather be insulted like that everyday than go to the author's gang. God knows whos in it.

Ichigo: sorry to interrupt this little family spat but can we continue with the lecture that the author was gonna give us.

Author: As I was saying 4 of you will be with me and 4 of you will be with Ryuken. We have already chosen our recruits. Ichigo,Rukia,Hichigo and Daruka. You 4 are coming with me.

When the 4 of them heard that they all had the same thought running through their head. "We are so dead"

The other 4 except byakuya were thinking. "THANK GOD! WERE SAVED! WOOH!" Byakuya was thinking "That orange haired brat is gonna be in the same gang as my sister without my supervision. This is so not my day"

Author: Ok. Lets get moving. We will introduce you to your gang today.

The author's gang consisted of Nel,Grimmjow,Ichigo,Hichigo,Rukia and Daruka.

Ryuken's gang consisted of Orihime,Chad,Ishida,Tatsuki,Renji and Byakuya.

Let the storm begin.


	5. Chapter 5

BLEACH CHAPTER 5

THE STORM.

Author's gang.

Author: OK. Welcome to my gang.

Ichigo: Since were in your gang doesn't that mean that we're supposed to know your name?

Author: Ofcourse. I intend to tell you but first I have something to tell. Today you 4 will be racing against one of the rival gangs. If you win I shall tell you after the race if you lose you have to wait an entire week. Oh and remember what they say "Curiosity killed the cat"

Hichigo: YOROICHI DIED!

Author: *sigh* this is gonna be a long day.

Author: alright everyone. Take your cars and go to Bulevard #14 Peters Street. That is where the race is taking place. Take your cars and don't forget the prize your aiming for.

Everyone did as told and went to the address.

Bulevard #14 Peters Street.

All the cars were lined up at the starting line,waiting for the flag to signal the start. As soon as the flag went down every single car left the starting line to head for that finishing line.

The first was between Hichigo,a maniac,and Noitra,another maniac. The race was easily won because Hichigo,mabye because he wanted to kill himself who knows,overfilled his nitro tank and as soon as he stepped on that pedal the nitro started and I think he intended for that to happen. He won easily.

The second was between Ichigo,a spiky haired lunatic,and Arronerio,another spiky haired lunatic. They were at equal wits and at the last minute Ichigo turned the nitro on and took off winning to an unsuspecting Arronerio.

The third was Rukia, a tough snowflake,and Harribel,a tough autumn leaf. Harribel stepped on the gas pedal and so did Rukia. When the race started Rukia was in secon place but she was smarter than waited till she was just a few inches before Harribel so she could use the nitro and cut off infront of her. Rukia won the race by a longshot.

The fourth to go was Daruka. She was up against Sun-Sung,one of Harribels Fraccions. They both started up their cars and took off. It was fairly easy to suffice and come to a conclusion of who was going to exit this race a champion and seal the deal of the gang who was taking the place of the past gang and get their power in the gangster universe. Daruka's racing style was crazy and reckless whiles Sun-Sung was calm and collected. At first it seemed as if Sun-Sung was going to take home the win but at a quarter of the race,Daruka pulled a trick that all the best racers out there would for sure notice. She made it look as if she were going out of control at the third turn to trick the openent into a false sense of security in which they would calm their speed,knowing they didn't need it or atleast thinking that they didn't need it.

At the seventh turn Daruka cut the crap and sped up and started driving at a speed that could almost rival Flass, _almost_ ,and therefore taking home the win for herself and her gang.

Author:You all did good and therefore I will tell you my name. My name is Ulqui-Drax.

Everybody except Grimmjow and Nell: [sweatdrop]

Grimmjow:Seriously,what are you guys so freaked about.

Nell:Yeah. He has a name almost the same as Ulquiora-chan!

Ichigo:That's the thing. We feel like we were expecting ti but at the same time we weren't expecting it.

Rukia: Exactly.

Author: Get over it you sad logs! HA HA!

Daruka: Here we go again.

Hichigo: THAT'S ALL FOLKS!


	6. Chapter 6

Bleach Chapter 6

THE QUINCYS

Ryuuken:OK. Since you all know my name I'll just tell you the name of our gang.

Renji whispers:I bet he's gonna name it quincy.

Ryuken:The name of the gang is THE QUINCYS.

Renji:CALLED IT!

Everbody else:[sweatdrop]

Ryuken:Okaayy. Now lets get started with todays activities.

Uryuu: wait a minute,Orihimes a racer?

Ryuken:No,shes far to delicate and incapable to race. Shes the manager and my assistant.

Tatsuki:I thought I was the manager?

Ryuken:Ofcourse. Your co-managers.

Orihime: Yay! Tatsuki-chan,we'll be working together!

Ryuken: Ok,go on and manage you two and Orihime get me a coffee please.

Orihime:Yes sir!

Ryuken: Ok,I'll explain what our gang does. Our gang is the most organised and accomplished gang in all of manhattan and one of the only gang who gets the paperwork done.

Renji:Oh no,not more paperwork!

Byakuya:You barely do any paperwork at the division.

Ryuken:Did I mention that we are one of the most richest gangs in manhattan due to all the races we've won.

Renji:How'd you manage that?

Uryuu: I thought you didn't have any racers and members before us?

Ryuken: I did. Its just that they all went from gang racing to the grand prix. This gang was more of a mentor to them than an organisation.

Byakuya: Please continue with explaining on what we will be doing today.

Renji: Yeah. I wanna get out of this crazy town faster than a cheetah.

Uryuu:Actually the fastest animal is a falc-

Renji:WOULD YOU QUIT WITH THE BRAINS ALREADY! I THINK ITS CONTAGEOUS!

Byakuya:Do not yell in my presence peasent.

Renji:yes sir.

Uryuu: I think im starting to like working with Byakuya. He knows how to shut Renji up fast.

Ryuken:I agree. Byakuya is a respectable shinigami.

Renji:HEY!

Byakuya:Are you implying that their wrong Abari.

Renji:n-no sir. I wasn't implying anything like that.

Byakuya:…

Renji: :{

Tatsuki: Were back. Whats with the long face Renji?

Uryuu:He just got scolded by his captain.

Renji: …

Tatsuki: wow no retort. I was starting to like your bantering.

Uryuu: That's what Ichigo and Rukia are for.

Orihime:Heres your coffee,Ishida-sama!

Ryuken: Your first assignment are to head to your working stations. Each station complies of A place for your car,an office desk to work on,Drawers to keep important supplies and documents in and did I mention the place is air conditioned.

Renji:I'm gonna like working here.

Ryuken:Looks like the chapter is over,Orihime,mind doing the closing for us.

Orihime: Make sure to read and review,Ja Ne!


End file.
